Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
