I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
the raccoons are back...
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