Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
