She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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