My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
