tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
