Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
