Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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