just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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