The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
