I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
