that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
