i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize