When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
