Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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