OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
