You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
