There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
