Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
