CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
