Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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