Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
