let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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