Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
