She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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