We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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