Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
