By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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