Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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