no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
