Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
