Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
