I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
