If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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