every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Randomize
