He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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