i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
