Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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