Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
