The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
