you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
