I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
