This girl is more easily done than said...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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