can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
