Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
