vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
