Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
