Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
