I accidentally had phone sex last night
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
