I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
