I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
