I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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