An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
