While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
