So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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