Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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