maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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