Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
