I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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