Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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