I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
