In the future we'll all be gay
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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