It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so much tequila, so little girl.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
