Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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