im six kinds of drunk right now
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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