Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
