Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
